One of the expectations of regular measurement is that we will be charting movement, either negative or positive, or lack of movement. Naturally, as I repeated the test, I was hoping to see the levels of love in all the domains of heart, soul, mind and strength creeping upward. Nothing. This particular ship of love was becalmed, and 'holding steady' began to sound less like an encouragement and more like a death sentence.
Gradually the colours of love began to lose their sharp focus and what I saw instead was the white areas in the gauges begin to take on solid form. What I had originally perceived as an emptiness, or a vacuum, was actually a murky swamp of heavy matter, bearing down on love. A comparison of perceptions reveals all:
I realised that what I was measuring was not my love of God but my love of Mammon – whether Mammon was my own strength, my possessions, love of self or any other thing I put above God. Suddenly I could see rebellion and lack of surrender in all their dark and ugly reality.
The second thing I realised was that there are no half measures – or thirds or quarters or any less-than-whole portions – when it comes to loving God. It is all, or something very far short of wonderful.
For one nano-second I had a glimpse of what happens when all those gauges are overflowing with love: the kingdom of Heaven is in you, through you, around you, above you and beneath you. It fills your mind, your heart, your soul; it fills your lungs and cells and pumps through your veins. It is your only strength and your only life.
All your heart, all your soul, all your mind, all your strength, says God. Of course. It is what is best for us.